How afraid are you of the word No?
Nein. Non. Iie. Nyet. No. (That last one was Spanish and Italian, that one.)
Is your blood running cold? Are you breaking out into a sweat?
As business owners, we don't like the word No. No signals the end of a conversation.
However, as a writer and a grammarian (is that a thing? It is now) the definition of a word isn't the end of an argument, it's the beginning of one.
No, we ain’t gonna take it, the battle cry of the hair metaller can be applied to subjugated populations. No - we don't deserve this treatment. We want to be free.
In a rhetorical sense, not saying yes is a powerful persuasion tool. We might construe it for wit - "How about grabbing that drink with me?"
"Well, I wouldn't say no."
Hey, hang on a sec...
The Cult of Yes
Almost every time you approach someone in sales, you get a guy or gal trying to get you to agree with everything they say.
Imagine this - buying a car. The salesperson strides up to you and bumps the bonnet with an open palm. "She's a beaut, ain't she?"
Well, we don't want to sound rude. We agree. Enough "yes" responses and the prospect is ripe for closing.
But are they?
Presenting a ring to a woman on bended knee and waiting for her "yes" is light years apart from asking the same woman if they enjoy chocolate ice-cream. They exist on two different logical levels; even if we can't articulate it fully. Human communication is context dependent. One size rarely, if ever, fits all.
In business, the Cult of Yes began in 1981, when Harvard Negotiation Project fellows Roger Fisher and William Ury published Getting To YES: Negotiating an agreement without giving in. I own this book. I studied it. Didn't get as many "yes-es" as I'd hoped.
In fact, it reinforced my death-like fear of the word "No." My father stands at about 6'4' (and a half, gotta remember that half) and if he was in a foul mood, I'd loathe asking him for anything as a kid. He was a negotiator by trade. Sometimes I think he just wanted to tell me "no" after acquiescing to "yes" all day. I'd rather beg for forgiveness than ask for permission at that point. Just so I didn’t hear the “no.”
Enter former FBI Hostage Negotiator Chris Voss and Never Split The Difference, who emphasises getting to "no" as a way of life. The first thing you should hear is "no." Hearing "no" is fine. It's an obstacle, sure. But as the Stoics say, the obstacle is the way.
"No" isn't the end of the negotiation - at least not always. In the same way that "yes" isn't a commitment to anything.
We need to stop being afraid of the word "no."
It's a compliment to everything affirmative in our vocabulary - not the enemy.
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